Love is not Violence

February 14, 2002.  Nine years ago, today, a single sheet of paper filed with the Rhode Island State House gave birth to Polaris Project – an idea that ordinary community members need to come together to fight slavery once again.  While our work helps to bring freedom to anyone in any situation of human trafficking, we made a purposeful decision to make “VDay our BDay” to recognize our part in a broader movement to stop violence against women and girls.

The more common association with VDay is of course, Valentine’s Day, a day of celebrating love.  Despite my aversion to the over-commercialization of this day, I love celebrating love – on any day.  The desire to connect with others, to love, and to be loved is wired into our human condition.  The desire is so universal and powerful that families and communities count on it to create unity and peace; however, many others exploit it for their own corruptive gain.

While most of us do not equate love with violence, abusers explicitly link the two to gain control over their victims.  In one “how-to” guide written by an American pimp, would-be domestic sex traffickers are encouraged to prey on girls who have run away or come from abusive backgrounds because they crave love and are easier to manipulate.  Sex traffickers make their victims call them “daddy” to promote a twisted understanding of love and protection. The young women we have worked with were trained to believe that when their pimps gave them daily beatings, it was as an expression of his love.  Other survivors reported pistol whipping, coat hanger lashing, and gang rape as part of their normal relationship with the only person they thought cared enough to pay them this type of attention.

Sex traffickers around the world exploit the human desire for love in similar ways.  The “lover boy” scheme is one of the most used recruitment schemes across cultures, victimizing women from Eastern Europe to girls from rural Latin American towns.  The sex trafficker will wine and dine a potential victim before escalating to forms of physical and sexual violence.  He’ll get to know the victim’s families and children to use this information as additional threats.  Sex traffickers are often called “father,” “aunt,” “sister,” “brother” in multiple languages across cultures.  The abusers know how to tap into this universal human desire to belong and convince their victims that no one else values them.

Human traffickers succeed most where we fail to connect with the most marginalized in our communities.  Polaris Project and the anti-trafficking field works to break the power that the traffickers hold on their victims by dispelling the myths that traffickers are the victims’ only options.  Social service providers and victim advocates try to recapture ownership over the definition of brotherly or sisterly love – and teach that love is not violence.

This Valentine’s Day, I encourage you to share in our work to promote freedom, love, and community connection.  Please visit our website or learn more through the National Human Trafficking Resource Center.  Today, we celebrate with you nine years of collective progress in the fight against modern-day slavery.  Thank you for all your support.